I have been trying to meditate every day for a while. For some reason (life happens), after a long period with daily meditation, I stopped; that was a few years ago, and since then I have been trying but can’t really stick to the discipline of at least 20 minutes a day. It has been shorter than that, more like 5 minutes per day. In the beginning (about 3 months ago), I was beating myself up for not being able to sit longer than that; but soon I found compassion towards myself and accepted that it was the best I could do for that time.
Well, today, I decided to rearrange my schedule to fit meditation in it, and I finally sat down for 20 minutes. Before writing about my experience, I would like to invite you to try this with me. Doing this every day for the next 3 weeks at least will bring you many benefits, as I have posted on this blog:
I also invite you to leave in the Comments’ section your discoveries from your meditative experiences. Just share with an open heart, either if you fall asleep, get fidgety or stay present for most of it. It doesn’t matter; no judgment will be applied. Every day is different, and no matter how it goes, we can always get something out of it, whether if it is learning more about ourselves, calming down our nervous system, maybe getting the only quiet time during our day or whatever comes. Feel free to leave a comment and possibly we could exchange insights about the meaning of it, if we really need/want to interpret it.
About today’s meditation, which lasted 20 minutes, I will be completely honest: it seemed to take forever! I found some timer on youtube with bells, and put it on. I sat down, closed my eyes and waited. I reminded myself to simply watch thoughts and not get caught by them, and turned my attention to my breath. I purposefully chose a very simple meditation using mindfulness to restart with. It did not take long until I realized I was deeply into some story in my head. I kindly brought back “the dark screen” on my mind, without thoughts. Probably a few seconds later, there I was again, being dragged by another thought. I kindly brought it back. And then again, but this time I smiled. It felt different to me. An interesting thought came: “If I let go of the first story, and another one, completely different came up, maybe that means that first story was not that important. I was the one giving it more importance than it really has. So letting go of these thoughts is not a problem at all.” Our minds are funny, sneaky and tricky; they put on a show for us with stories which will sure grasp our attention. From then on, I decided to smile every time I found myself taken by a story. As you can imagine, there were a lot of smiles during those 20 minutes!
Towards the end, I confess I was pretty tired of sitting there, and started wondering if the computer had turned off to save energy and the bell would never ring. When I saw myself trying to open my eyes to peek onto the screen, I closed them again and decided to take a deep breath to let go of that anxiety, that need to control the time. With that deep breath, I let go of that completely silly and unnecessary suffering. While the breath spread through my body, it felt like a blanket of calmness and the anxiety was gone. I had no need to check the time or timer. With subtle humor, sure enough, a few seconds later the bells rang and it was time to end the meditation session, which I did, smiling at the fact that it was time to end it when I finally got ready for more…