This morning I woke up extra early to have time to meditate on a few things I have to decide on. To me, it is always best if decisions resonate with the heart as so not to push myself into something. I had a really hard time to get some answers, trying different tools for a long while, way longer than usual; every once in a while my mind would sneak in and try to give its opinion, and I would try to go back to listening in stillness.
Well, the sun came up and I decided to go to yoga to try to find the stillness on my mat. I got there, and Mary, the yoga instructor, asked us to say out loud what we wanted from our practice today. I answered, “clarity of mind” and soon we were moving in a flow that created again a battle with mind wanting to dominate and stillness trying to find space within me. In one of the poses, I closed my eyes, just to try to increase awareness in my body. Mary caught me with eyes closed and sensed I was about to check out from my mat, flying to a place where I could escape the internal battle… She joked, “Where are you flying to?”, and brought me back. I had to sit down because I was laughing so hard.
After a while, I don’t know how long, I found it! I found the stillness and my mind stopped spinning with resistance, while trying so hard to be in charge. I surrendered. I enjoyed the inner peace throughout the rest of the class. During savasana (final relaxation), Mary read us one of Melody Beattie’s messages, in the book Journey to the Heart; it was spot on for me:
“You’re right where you need to be – on your path, guided, in just the right place for you today. Many times on my journey I stopped short, convinced I would never find the place I was trying to find, only to discover that it was right in front of me all the time. I had gone there instinctively. Gone right where I needed to go, right where I was heading.
“There is a part of us that knows where we need to be and understands where we really want to go. There’s a place in us that has the map, even if our eyes and conscious mind can’t see it, can’t figure it out, or aren’t certain it’s there.
If you’re spinning in circles, feeling lost and confused, trying to figure out where you need to be and not all that certain where you’re going, stop. Breathe deeply. Look around.
You’re right where you need to be.
Maybe you’ve been there all along.”
There was no point to be running around after all!